Just So Out of It.

I used to be that girl: the one who was first to get to the office, and last to leave; the one who would take quick lunch breaks and get back to work; the one who always walked around smiling and energetic. You know, the girl who really cared.

I think that girl is temporarily under a storm cloud. I’ve been in this funk, and nothing seems exciting. I’m not falling for any of the usual seductions: the blog holds no interest. Cheese doesn’t sound that tasty. Even the promise of Friday night seems rather lackluster. And, to top it off, I’d rather eat this sad granola bar than take a field trip to Chipotle. What! Is! Wrong here?

I went to a work conference this morning down on Embassy Row, which was pretty exciting. But I just kind of sat there. My panel of interest ended at 10.15, and walking back, I just sort of wandered: I just walked, and walked, and walked, looking at the houses and wondering what it would be like to live in them. I found myself in a park down in Georgetown (read: in the wrong direction). Rather than snapping to it and saying, hey, this isn’t where I should be! I’m at work!, I slid onto a bench, watching the world of stroller runners and mid-day dog enthusiasts from behind the shield of my sunglasses. One of these things is not like the others: gold star if you guess “girl in the business suit.”

I just stared for awhile, thinking about how nice it would be to be happy again. Such a nice thing, to have just sat there forever, to have said eh, whatever to work, and to have just, like, never resurfaced. I wonder if it would have even made a difference.

I managed to get back to the train, and to convince myself to get off at the right stop. If you get off, we’ll go get a tasty burrito, I said to myself. And a frappuccino! You love frappuccinos. Now move.

It got me off the train, sure, but I’m not rising to the bait anymore. I bet I have salmonella. That one mutant strain that crawls into your head, and just stays there. Stupid tomato farmers. Could be worse, I suppose; and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, yes?  Definitely looking forward to a weekend recovery.